Emptiness.  This one word sums up how I have been feeling for the past week or so.  I'm back in Saint Louis after a valiant attempt at 2nd Stage in Spain for the European Q School.  I arrived several days prior to the onset of competition and formulated a great game plan for the week and was ready to go out and execute with a flawless attitude.  I give myself credit for doing just that.  Through the first 3 days I played steady, well thought out golf and found myself in 17th place.  Exactly on the number to get through if I could maintain my position to the finish.  In fact, I had no clue where I stood at the time.  I was fully concerned with playing my game to the best of my ability all week, and letting my positioning to the field take care of itself. 

    Unfortunately, no amount of preparation would be enough to get me ready for what was in store the final round.  The wind blew harder than any wind I have ever seen on a golf course.  By my estimation, there were wind gusts of 45-50mph.  Two of the flagsticks snapped in half from reports I heard.  It was 100 percent fair because the entire field had to play in these conditions, but it definitely brought the element of luck into play at times.  I made it to my 15th hole of the day having scrapped and clawed my way to +3 up until that point in the round.  I reached a par 5 that was straight down wind.  40mph of breeze at my back made me feel like Popeye standing on that tee.  I split the middle and had 218 yards to the hole.  I was in  between a 7 iron and 8iron.  I had to cover a water hazard, so I opted for the 7 iron. 

    I made a good golf swing.  Sadly, I selected the wrong club.  My ball landed in the middle of the green and bounded long of the green trickling into a hazard long.  I had to drop on a shaved bank that was tilted towards the water.  Under the rules of golf, as soon as my ball came to rest after dropping, my ball was in play.  I was very concerned with my ball rolling back into the water due to the ferocious winds, thus I quick hit my chip, and I completely whiffed the chip shot.  I had to settle for a double bogey on the hole, when I made two perfect swings to begin the hole.  It is hard to pin the results of a tournament on one hole, but it is hard not to keep going back to the 15th hole in the final round looking for answers.  Had I made the same swing with an 8 iron, I would have advanced to the Finals.

    I made it back home to Saint Louis last week in a very bad place mentally.  I had pushed my chips all in this year, just to see it all blow up in my face and realize I was back to square one staring at the onset of another cold, dark Winter back home in Missouri.  I sat at my home on the couch, filling myself with every junk food imaginable, and just kept muttering to myself "Why me"?  After a week of this self imposed pity party, I began to take an internal look at myself.  In life when you are down, you can be lazy and settle, or you can get up off the mat and get back to work with an exceptional attitude.  I've chosen the latter.  Life is about controlling what you can control.  Hard work and attitude are two of those things.  The results will follow.  While this year from a production standpoint left me in the exact place I was a year ago, I have to take confidence out of the fact that I saw some great results during the regular season.  23 times this year I broke par in competition, and I fought my way into contention this Fall in several events.  I haven't been in that position in a long time.

    Moving forward, I plan on engaging in a similar off season as last Winter, but not without a bit of competition to keep me sharp.  I'm going to head to Texas for the first part of December to play in several two day Adams Tour Winter Series events.  I'm playing great golf, so I want to close out 2013 mentally on better terms than the bitter end in Spain.  After that, I am going to enjoy the Holiday season and keep getting better under the heated practice facilities at Norwood Hills.  I'm also going to narrow my focus in the gym.  I'm not just going to get strong, I'm going to get prison strong.  I've chosen golf as my career path.  You are either all in or all out.  To be the best, I have to outwork my competition every single day and have the best attitude of anyone playing.  I have to push myself by setting clear and challenging goals.  I have to be patient as well.  The results will come from following this process.  I wish everyone a safe and happy end to 2013.  2014 will be the best year yet.  It's time to go fill that tank back to full.   I want to leave you by posting a few motivating words from Teddy Roosevelt a good friend of mine shared with me several years back.  Thanks for reading and all the support.

The Man in the Arena



 It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.